then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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