It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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