just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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