I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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