We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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