So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize