the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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