You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
