I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
