HIV tests are more positive than that guy
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
