you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
