What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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