Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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