So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
