you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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