I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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