She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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