hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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