he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
