but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
