So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
