I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
