my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The power of my boobs compel you
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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