i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
