Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
