if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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