saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
