I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize