Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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