Don't you send me to vm
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
