I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize