16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize