there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
