We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
