This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize