I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Randomize
