why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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