if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize