I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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