i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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