I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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