I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
