Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
