we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
This can only be settled by a dance off.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
