He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
