i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
