it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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