Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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