One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
