drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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