so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
