someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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