just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
