overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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