$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
