Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We were destined to go to rehab together
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
