thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize