she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
