I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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