3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
