trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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