We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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