I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
