My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
