Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
