You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize