I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
