There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Randomize
