you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
