singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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