the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
