We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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