Can i not drive my cunt home
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
