How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
