batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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