every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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