i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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