I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
