saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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