I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Randomize
