I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
