dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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