Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
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