I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
