I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize
