The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize