there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
