I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
So apparently I’m into choking now
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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