i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
