We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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