My boss' voice literally gives me gas
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
