Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize