When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
