so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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