We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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