there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
