I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize