At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
