Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
