I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
