is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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