Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
