I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
