yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
