Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
