Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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