I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
