Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize