if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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