At least make sure they are 18
Why
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
