What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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