when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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